Buccaneer Blog Fest: Week Two!

The prompt for this week is Works In Progress.  Today’s topic is “First Paragraph”,  Wednesday’s is a “Character Interview” and Friday’s will be “Your Lightbulb Moment”.  I’ve been looking forward to this week since I first read about BBF!

So, without further ado, here is the first paragraph of THE STONE PILLAR…

The bellow of the earth dragon nearly deafened him and Nathaniel’s hands were slick with sweat as he gripped his spear with white knuckles.  Aaron’s face showed serious concern as he stood beside his friend, and with good reason.  Magical construct or not, this dragon could hurt or even kill you, as all of the Guardes-In-Training had witnessed earlier that day.  Michael got too close to a sizable fire dragon construct and took a razor-sharp tail spike to the chest, dying instantly.

This is actually not the ‘first’ paragraph since there was originally a very, very long prologue that I cut years ago.  I still have it filed away, since the information is very important to the overall story.  I might, some day, turn that prologue into its own book since I find the back-story of the Academy terribly interesting.

Tomorrow, we’ll sit down and interview one of my characters… stay tuned!

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6 responses to “Buccaneer Blog Fest: Week Two!

  1. I like the concept of where this is going. The first sentence is good at showing, but then you switched to telling…how did Aaron’s face show concern? Make me see his face…were his teeth clenched? Brows furrowed? How can you show me Michael had died without telling me? Maybe Aaron’s gaze falls to blood-stained ground? The tiniest little tweaks, and this will really pop!

  2. Wow, thank you for your comment/critique! I really should print out “SHOW, DON’T TELL!” and paste it somewhere at eye-level on my desk…

  3. This is a very active, interesting opening paragraph. It sets the tone really well. You might want to cut some words, though. Here is a suggestion (I’m only cutting or re-arranging words, not adding except the word when in brackets, so this is all your writing, but reads very differently):

    “The bellow of the earth dragon nearly deafened Nataniel. His hands were slick with sweat as he gripped his spear with white knuckles. Aaron’s face showed serious concern standing beside his friend, and with good reason. Magical construct or not, this dragon could hurt or even kill, as all of the Guardes-In-Training had witnessed earlier that day [when] Michael got too close to a sizable fire dragon construct and took a razor-sharp tail spike to the chest, dying instantly.”

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